Monday’s Portrait: Portrait of Gratitude

I know I’m a little late for a Thanksgiving post, but tonight our family had an experience that left me feeling profoundly grateful for the gifts we are given each day. 

To start off, the week before Thanksgiving, my 3^rd grade daughter brought home a poem she wrote and illustrated at school.  I loved the poem.  Not just because my daughter wrote it and I enjoyed reading her thoughts, but also because the poem was a wonderful exercise in learning how to find gratitude.  My daughter’s teacher had the students in her class think of eight things they wanted.  After each longed-for wish, the students wrote something they already had that they were grateful for.  For example, here is my daughter’s poem:

I wish I had another puppy, but I’m grateful I have one.

I wish nobody would get sick, but I’m grateful I don’t get sick a lot.

I wish I had all the books I wanted to read, but I’m grateful I get to read some.

I wish I never had hard times, but I’m grateful I have friends and family when I do.

I wish I had a job with animals, but I’m grateful I can when I’m older.

I wish I would never grow up, but I’m glad I get to stay little for a while.

I wish the day would last forever, but I’m grateful it lasts 24 hours.

I wish I could do whatever I want, but at the same time I’m grateful that I don’t.

I could add a few of my own: I wish my husband liked 19^th century British literature, but I’m grateful he’ll watch Jane Eyre with me anyway.  I wish I didn’t have to wash the dirty dishes, but I’m grateful I can feed my family.  I wish I had more time to write my book, but I’m grateful for four children who keep me busy and make my life purposeful.

It really is a wonderful exercise – finding what you are grateful for in the moment you are longing for more.  Tonight’s experience was all about that.  My husband and I took our kids to a special event organized by a dear friend of mine: a concert by children for children.  She and her family organize the event each year, inviting friends to come and participate in a night of holiday music.  Children perform, sharing their talents, and at the end of the night donations are accepted for the One Heart Bulgaria foundation, which aids orphanages in Bulgaria.

Saren Loosli, organizer of tonight's concert, and co-founder of Power of Moms, visiting an orphanage in Bulgaria

At the beginning of the concert, we were shown a slideshow of orphaned children living in Bulgaria.  I found myself drawn toward the children’s dark, quiet eyes as they looked into the camera, inviting me to see the world from their point of view.  It allowed me to step away from the long hard stare I fix on the things I think I want most, both for me and for my children, and to appreciate the most basic and important elements of our lives: love, faith, and family; food, health and home.  There are so many gifts that have already been given, so many wants that have already been met.  And so many opportunities to give instead of receive.

Monday’s Portrait: Portrait of a Journal

Hattie and I kayaking together on our recent trip to Florida.

I’ve kept a journal for as long as I can remember.  It’s a habit my mom started me on.  Sunday afternoons she would hand us each our hard back, blank-paged book, our name engraved on the front, and instruct us to write something about our week.  Most of my early entries were catalogs of which VHS movie we rented from Albertson’s for our weekly movie night (we rented the VCR, too) and what candy I picked to go with it.  I must have really loved those movie nights. 

As I got older I turned to my journal more often than Sunday afternoons, and began writing in order to make sense of my life and my feelings, like this entry from 1988: “I’m in the 6th grade right now and everything is really confusing.  I don’t want to grow up sometimes.”  (Don’t you just want to give that poor girl a hug and tell her everything will be okay?)

Now I am a journal enthusiast.   I have journals for every trip I’ve taken, journals for each of my kids, a journal about mothering, a journal to record my spiritual journey through life, and a journal I just started where I try to write one super-positive, self-affirming statement every morning.  I feel a little silly about that last one, but I’m telling you, it really makes a difference.

I also have a journal that I share with my daughter, Hattie.  We hand it back and forth to each other, taking turns writing messages to each other on its secret pages.  Most of Hattie’s entries start and end with, “I love you.”  One even says, “I love you so much.  Even better than the stars.”  But last week she broke the mold with this little missive:

Dear Mom,

STOP YELLING AT ME! 

The End 

 Wow.  Point taken.  I had been yelling too much.  Not just at her – at everybody.  Now I had a whole new reason to be grateful for our little journal.  It gave her the chance to share her feelings with me, even when they were negative.  At different points throughout the journal I had offered small suggestions or corrections to her behavior, and now she was offering one to mine.  I was definitely humbled.  Especially when a few minutes later she stole the journal away and amended the page to read:

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry.  I’ll forgive you.  But can you forgive me?

Love,

Hattie

I have so much to learn from her.  Of all the journals I have kept over the years, I already know this one will be my most priceless.  The others I have stacked away in bins and boxes, but this one will always be close by.  I hope it will continue to grow and change, just like my little girl.  Her birthday is this week.  I can’t believe how big she is getting.  She is so excited to be in the spotlight.  Her last entry in the journal reads,

One more day til my birthday.  Well, I guess one and a half, to be more pacific. 

Monday’s Portrait: Portrait of Growth

My sister, leading a local choir.

I come from a family of eight.  Two brothers, three sisters, and two parents.  I adore them all.  Last year my youngest sister started a birthday tradition among us.  On (or near) the day of our birthdays, everyone in the family sends a ‘tribute’ email, saying one thing they admire or appreciate about us.  It is wonderful being the recipient of these thoughtful messages, but just as nice is reading what people have to say when it is someone else’s birthday.   Recently it was my oldest sister’s birthday, and my brother sent out his birthday tribute.  This is an excerpt of what he said:

“She was not born a patient one, but yet is the most faithfully patient person I know.”

When I first read this I laughed, remembering all the family trips and outings when I would hear her voice from the backseat of our big chevy van asking, “When are we going to eat?”  But my laughter quickly turned to tears as I thought about all that my sister has accomplished over the years, and the hardships she has endured.  She is an amazing example of faith and perseverence.  I grew even more emotional as I thought about each member of my family.  I have seen so much patience in the midst of hardships.  Were any of us born with natural patience to help us weather our storms?  Maybe. 

Maybe not.

Sometimes I approach life thinking I am limited.  I have certain traits and attributes to get me where I want to go, but where I lack the needed attributes – discipline, focus, patience, I’m afraid I will fail.  Thinking about my sister made me realize that with work and perseverence I can grow and develop the traits I need to help me reach my goals.  It helped me see in a very clear way that life, in so many ways, is a process of growth and development.  It takes time.  It takes work.  But it fills me with hope knowing that I can aspire to be the person I want to be, even if she sometimes seems beyond my reach.

Thursday’s Book Review: London Town

In the second installment of the Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place series, The Hidden Gallery, Alexander, Beowulf, and Cassiopeia join Miss Penelope Lumley, their stalwart governess, on a trip to London.  The Incorrigible Children are as endearing as ever, with their quirky but charming wolf-like qualities.  They mistakenly attack the guards outside Buckingham Palace, thinking the guards are bears in their tall furry hats.  But they also master the intricacies of the Peloponnesian War in their history lessons, and rescue an elephant in distress at the zoo. 

Penelope attempts to guide the children through the city of London, where cultural and historical lessons abound, but finds that her Hixby’s Guide, the travel book given to her by her old school teacher at Swanburne Academy, is less than useful.  It is full of pictures of alpine meadows instead of images of London, and alludes to a secret portrait gallery in the British Museum, holding works of art that seem obscure, at best.

During their travels through London, Penelope and the children encounter a mysterious gypsy woman, a courageous playwright, and bloodthirsty pirates.  They meet with hilarity and escape danger.  And along the way, Penelope collects intriguing clues about her own past, the enigma behind her employer, Lord Ashton, and her connection to both the esteemed Agatha Swanburne, founder of her alma mater, and, possibly, to the Incorrigibles themselves.

My children and I are anxiously awaiting the third, and hopefully final, installment of the Incorrigibles saga.  It looks like it comes out in February of 2012, and we can’t wait to read it and find the answers to all of our questions about Penelope and her wards.   The first two books have given us a lot to think about, and have unfolded a mystery we are anxious to unravel.  The Hidden Gallery left us with even more questions than The Mysterious Howling, but it showed us who we can trust in the drama that will ensue – Old Timothy, Simon Harley-Dickinson, Miss Charlotte Mortimer, and who to be suspicious of.  And of course, the writing is so engaging, with its tongue-in-cheek humor and delightful characterizations, that reading Wood’s work is always a pleasure.

In the midst of reading about the London adventures of Penelope and her Incorrigibles, my husband took a business trip to London.  My children were so enchanted by the places Wood describes in her book, and by the book’s mysteries, that they begged him to visit the British Museum and find the Hixby’s hidden gallery.   Unfortunately, he was in business meetings all day and wasn’t able to make it to the museum before closing hours.  Instead he took walks around the city, and when he got home he told them what he had seen, using this book as his guide:

A Walk in London, by Salvatore Rubbino, is an absolutely charming picture book about a mother and her young daughter taking a day trip to explore the city of London.  They arrive in Westminster on a bright red double decker bus  to the sound of Big Ben chiming out the hour.  From there they walk through St. James’s Park and arrive at Buckingham Palace just in time for the changing of the guard.  The illustrations are full of movement and personality, with just the right amount of detail to capture the sights and feeling of the city.  A fold out page gives a wonderful panoramic view of the Thames, which allowed my husband to show the kids just where he had been during his short time in London.  It was such a delightful book, and can be enjoyed on many levels with its engaging story for younger readers, and subtexts full of interesting facts spread out all over the page for older readers.  I’d love to find a copy of Rubbino’s A Walk in New York, and hope he continues to explore other cities with his cheerful art and storytelling.

Monday’s Portrait: Portrait of an Uncle

The Wand-maker Uncle

 The best part of the summer for my kids is when we pack up the van and drive to Boise to get some special loving from Babbo, Nana, aunts, uncles, and lots and lots of cousins.  We don’t sleep much, but we have a lot of fun.  On our recent trip, my dad planned a special outing for the aunts and uncles – me and my sisters and brothers.  He took the six of us to lunch.  I can’t remember the last time all of us were together like that.  It was so nice to talk and laugh, and just look at the faces across the table and feel the special bond of family.

While we were talking, my dad mentioned an uncle of his.  “Which uncle?” we wanted to know.  “The one who doesn’t eat sugar? The one who lives alone?”  My brother, who was sitting at my left, leaned toward me to say, “I wonder which uncle I’ll be.” 

Two days later this same brother showed up at my mom’s house with a box full of wooden dowels, a sander, glue guns and glue sticks, paint, paint brushes, glazes and sealants.  He asked his nieces and nephews what kind of magic wands they preferred and spent the day sanding, sculpting, and painting, making the most amazing Harry Potter wands you will ever see.  My kids were thrilled.  They performed magic spells up and down the backyard the rest of the evening and far into the afternoon the next day.  They brought their wands home and stowed  them away in special and secret places until magic is called for again.  I have a feeling the wands will become heirlooms, passed through generations with stories of their magic charms, spells cast and counter-cast, enemies defeated, and tricks performed. 

And I am fairly certain that as my kids grow and have kids of their own, my brother Ryan will be a special uncle to them all.  Which uncle will he be?   The Magic Uncle.  The Wand-maker.  The Wizard.

Thursday’s Book Review: Esperanza Rising by Pam Munoz Ryan

Drawing on her own family history, Pam Munoz Ryan tells the story of a young Mexican girl, Esperanza, living during the time of the Great Depression in America.  She is the cherished daughter of a wealthy padrone, and lives in luxury and ease until political upheaval and the greed of her own step-uncles rob Esperanza of both her father and her wealth, and send her fleeing to California with her mother for safety. 

Esperanza quickly learns that America is not the answer to all her problems.  Nor does it provide the new life Miguel, her friend and former servant, hopes for.  There is still the vast divide between rich and poor, only now those inequalities are compounded by differences in language and race.  Ryan wields these issues deftly.  They never become oppressive or political.  She keeps everything true to what Esperanza sees and experiences.

Esperanza is the perfect representative for the plight of the poor laborer.   She is incredibly wealthy before her troubles begin, so she experiences what it means to be poor for the first time, and we see it through her eyes.  It is a rag to riches story in reverse.  And it does not end with an easy answer.  Only the reassurance that life’s most important riches are family, friends, the fruit of the land, and the power of hope.

Monday’s Portrait: Portrait of a Rainbow

Saturday evening we drove home from a bike race up in Park City, happy, tired and covered in dirt.  When we turned into our quiet town, we looked up to see this welcoming us home:  

It arched, end to end, over Alpine.  We followed its ribbon of color to see if we could find the elusive rainbow’s end.  Of course we never could quite reach it, but the colors were so vivid, it really did seem we could reach out and catch hold of it.

Moments after coming home the sun broke out from behind the clouds and the rainbow was gone, but it left its imprint in my mind, along with these words by William Wordsworth:

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky;

So was it when my life began;

So is it now I am a man;

So be it when I shall grow old,

Or let me die!

 

Thursday’s Book Review: Summer Reading – Human Rights

Human rights sounds like a serious topic for summer reading, but this selection of books has been one of the best things about our summer so far.  Of course the kids would probably rank Monday’s fireworks WAY above the book reports we worked on together, but one of my happiest moments as a mom – ever – was listening to my three oldest kids present their books to each other. 

At the beginning of the summer I decided to have my kids write reports for each month of summer vacation, and for June’s report I wanted to talk about the way people are sometimes treated when they are different.  I found a book for each of my kids that centers on some aspect of human rights.  They read the books and answered some questions I put together for them, and then we presented our books to each other and had a wonderful discussion.

My ten-year old, Hunter, loves engineering and science and knowing about how things work.  Lately he has been interested in learning about World War II.  Particulary the aircraft and the battles.  He is a serious boy, who thinks about serious things.  So I thought he was ready to read Susan Bartoletti’s historical fiction, The Boy Who Dared: a Novel Based on the True Story of a Hitler Youth.  It is the story of a young German boy who finds himself a part of Hitler Youth.  He is forced to do things that go deeply against his conscious, like writing a report about how Hitler is the savior of Germany when he knows otherwise.  He has a shortwave radio and has been listening to BBC reports about the war.  He knows that Hitler’s propaganda is false and feels like he must do something about it.  He uses his skill as a writer to secretly get the truth out, but he is arrested for it, and ultimately, in the final pages of the book, executed.  I know that is a major spoiler, but it might make the book too difficult for some younger readers, so I thought I should put it out there.  Here is Hunter’s response to the questions I gave him: 

“In the books we read, people are treated badly because they are somehow different from others.  For your report, answer the following questions:”

1) Who gets treated differently and why?

Jews.  Hitler always hated Jews, and when he comes to full power he sends them to horrible places, closes their businesses, and makes them wear different clothes so everyone will know they’re different.

2) What do you think about the way your character or people in your book are treated?

Putting people in jail and killing them for their beliefs or for telling the truth is horrible.

3) How does the protagonist show courage?

By showing the people of Germany the truth about the Government and by trying to stand against what the Government was doing.

4) How should we treat people who are different from us?

Treat them like your brother or sister.  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, so try and find their strengths and forget their weaknesses.

My eight-year old, Hattie, is an inquistive, independent soul who sometimes has a hard time understanding when people act, look, or think differently than she does.  I thought it would be good for her to read Rickshaw Girl, by Mitali Perkins, a story set in India about a girl named Naima.  Naima is a talented artist and the daughter of hard-working rickshaw driver.  When her father gets sick and can no longer pull the rickshaw, Naima wants to help her family.  She sees her friend Saleem, the neighbor boy, pulling a rickshaw and decides she can do the same.  But because she is a girl, this is not allowed.  Naima is frustrated, but determined.  She manages to find a way to help her family that is appropriate for a girl in India, using her artistic talents.  Here are Hattie’s answers to the questions:

1) Who gets treated differently and why?

The girls get treated differently because the boys think the girls aren’t strong enough.

2) What do you think about the way your character or people in your book are treated?

I wouldn’t like not getting to work.  They weren’t treating the girls fair.

3) How does the protagonist show courage?

She tried working even though she was a girl.

4) How should we treat people who are different from us?

We should play with them and be kind to them.

My six year old, Sawyer, and I read his book together.  He is a tender-hearted little guy, who hates to be teased.  We read  Thank you, Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco.  It is a book based on Polacco’s own childhood, about a young girl, Trisha, who can’t read no matter how hard she tries.  Children tease her all through grade school until she finally gets a teacher who tries to understand her plight, Mr. Falker.  With Mr. Falker’s help, Trisha learns that the kids at school have been wrong about her.  She isn’t dumb.  She can read, and words become as sweet to her as honey to a bee.  Here are Sawyer’s answers to my questions:

1) Who gets treated differently and why?

Trisha, because she doesn’t know how to read very well.

2) What do you think about the way your character or people in your book are treated?

I felt bad for Trisha, because people weren’t treating her very nice.

3) How does the protagonist show courage?

She doesn’t get mad at the other kids, she just works hard at learning to read.

4) How should we treat people who are different from us?

We should be nice, because everyone is our friend.

I was so pleased with my children’s thoughtful responses to the books they read, and so grateful for excellent children’s literature that can open their eyes to worlds and people beyond their own neighborhood.

Thursday’s Book Review: Cesar’s Way by Cesar Millan

A few weeks before we brought our new puppy home, I spent all my reading time trying to figure out how to care for and raise a happy and healthy dog.  By the time I’d finished my stack of books, I was convinced I knew everything about dogs, and would be able to handle any situation we might encounter.  You would think four kids would have taught me otherwise.  Now that we’ve had the puppy for three weeks, I’m sufficiently humbled.  I’m not sure any of the books I read could have totally prepared me, but I really enjoyed Cesar’s Way by the renowned “dog whisperer” Cesar Milan.

The first part of the book reads like a personal history.  Milan describes his early experiences and connection with dogs on his family’s farm in Mexico, and what it was like for him to immigrate to the United States.  The autobiographical portion of the book is relevant to his overall message, because he approaches dog training and his work with dog rehabilitation as an outsider to the American way of perceiving dogs and pets.  Milan believes that American dogs often suffer under the care of well-intentioned owners because they are treated like people instead of like dogs, and this can cause anxiety, confusion, and fear.  

Milan’s basic premise is that dog’s need strong ‘pack’ leaders to follow, and that dog owners need to exert a certain kind of energy.   He calls it “calm-assertive” energy, “relaxed but always confident that he or she is in control.”  This is a point he emphasizes again and again throughout the book.  He encourages dog owners to transform themselves, if they lack this kind of energy, to visualize it until it becomes natural to them.  I can’t refute or validate his premise about pack leaders and “calm-assertive” energy as it pertains to dogs, but the week I spent reading his book I found myself suprisingly calm.  I don’t think I raised my voice at my kids a single time.   I was channelling the “calm-assertive” energy.  It worked so well, that I’m not sure if I should shelf this book in the parenting section of my home library, or put it with the other dog books. (I’m kidding.  Kind-of.)

Milan concludes his book by giving readers a simple formula for working and living with their dogs: Exercise, Discipline, and Affection – in that order.  According to Milan, dogs need frequent exercise to calm and center them.  He calls walking a dog a “primal activity” that puts dogs in tune with their inner canine.  It also creates a bond between dog and owner.  I’ve tried very hard to follow this step of his formula, though sometimes I feel I’m overdoing it a little when I put my 11 week old puppy on a leash and try and get her to follow me around the park.  She’d rather sit and watch the birds fly by.  The next step is discipline, which basically means sticking to a routine, and keeping expectations firm and clear.  And affection comes last, after the first two steps have been met.

Cesar’s Way gave me a lot to think about, and was a quick and enjoyable read.  Milan’s methodology is largely based on intuition and his extensive experience with dogs.  It doesn’t always translate into understanding and solving everyday problems you might encounter with your dog.  I still don’t know how to keep my puppy from chewing on everyone’s feet, or my four year old from taunting her.  I tried coaching my four, six, eight and ten year old into owning their “calm-assertive” energy when they interact with the puppy, but I think that is asking a little much.  I’ve resisted calling a trainer because of the impression I received from Milan that dog training amounts to teaching a dog tricks, while his methodology builds strong relationships between dogs and owners, and healthy, balanced, naturally obedient dogs.  But with all the biting and nipping around her, I might have to call a trainer anyway.

I just picked up a copy Dog Sense: How the New Science of Dog Behavior Can Make You A Better Friend to Your Pet by John Bradshaw.  I’m eager to add it to my doggie bibiliography.  We’ll see how it compares with Cesar’s Way.

Monday’s Portrait: Portrait of Time Well Spent

This afternoon I headed up to Sandy for my fourth consecutive summer as an attendee of the Writing and Illustrating for Young Reader’s Conference.  It is an excellent conference, with so many interesting, inspiring, and engaging writers who share their knowledge and experience with ‘pre-published’ writers like myself.  (‘Pre-published’ is a term I picked up this afternoon – as opposed to ‘unpublished’.  Doesn’t it sound nicer?)  However, in spite of all the writing love that goes around, a smallish-largish part of me was dreading attending the conference yet again as one of the ‘pre-published’.  What is my problem that I am STILL working on my revisions?  Why is it taking me so long?

Of course I know the answer to that.  I have four kids, and when it comes down to it my time will always go to them first.  At the beginning of this last school year, my youngest headed off to preschool two mornings a week.  I was so excited to finally have some time alone to write.  But I ended up volunteering at the elementary school both those mornings.  When school ended, and my book was still unfinished, I wondered if I’d made a mistake.  Maybe I should have kept those mornings to myself.

What saved me from the burden of regret was a packet of bright blue cards that my son, Hunter, brought home from his fourth grade class on the last day of school.  Thank you notes from his classmates for all the time I put into teaching them creative writing this year.

Here are some of my favorites (with original writing and punctuation):

You are my Wrighting Hero!  Thank you very much!

I get to be a hero!  Writing to the rescue!

Your the best in the world.  You helped us a lot with our story’s.  Thank you so much.

I’m a huge fan of hyperbole when it applies to me.

You are so greate.  I love riteing and this really helped me.  Thank you!

I’m not sure if I should be concerned about the various spellings for the word ‘writing’, but I was thrilled to know that this little girl loves to write, and that my time spent with the class helped her with the process.

You have been great and I think you made my book turn out good!

I loved this note because the boy who wrote it really did an excellent job with revisions.  I was really proud of the effort he put into his book, and was glad that he saw the difference it made.

You are very pretty and thank you for the advice.

Pure gratification.  I’m pretty and smart?  Yay!

Thank you for taking the time to teach us to write!

I appreciated that this boy acknowledged the time that went into working with the class.  There were so many nights when I stayed up late reading their stories.  But when I read this last note, it was clear to me that all the time I gave them was worth it. 

Thank you for giving me great ideas for my story.  I hope that you liked coming to our class to incourage us to become a life long writer. 

These notes were just what I needed to soothe my frustration at not finishing my novel.  They reassured me that my time away from my own writing was time well spent.  Maybe I’ll carry them with me to the conference tomorrow, to remind me that it is okay to still be sitting among the ‘pre-published’.